I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
