WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize