I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
