we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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