I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
