Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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