Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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