I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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