The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
