She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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