Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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