I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
