I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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