Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
