So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
