she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
