In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize