i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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