she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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