I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
