You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
