So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
