I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize