Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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