He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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