i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
