Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
