Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're not piercing ourselves today.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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