I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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