My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm having to shit out rocks
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