brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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