I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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