just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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