You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There's always time for handjobs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
