My sheets look like a crime scene.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
