If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
