we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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