Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
