i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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