I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
