Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
