I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
