I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
