I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
