Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was like giving head to a cactus.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
