Im at strip club and am horny
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize