Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
