I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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