none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
