The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
