Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize