Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
