I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
