Do you still have your period?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize