Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
