I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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