I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
