can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
