He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Found your dick twin last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
