"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
