eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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