You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
