I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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