Im at strip club and am horny
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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