i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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