he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
