mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my shit smells like andre
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
