conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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