I could make wine with my vomit
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
