and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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