so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
