My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
