did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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