the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize