ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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