i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
