So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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