I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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