Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
smell my finger.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize