I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
