Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
