Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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