Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize