She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
