The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
