I wish I could teleport
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
