Christians are straight up FREAKS
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize