New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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