The best revenge is premature balding
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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