Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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