we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize