i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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