drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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