Who wears a wallet chain?!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
