She is in my trunk
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
