I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
